the Awkward, the Innocent, the Amusement, the First

The Guys of High School Past 

The topic of today's fro-yo date with my best friends as the classy young adults we are. 

The Awkward

This is the first guy  to notice that I'm more than academics and a horrendous bob haircut, all beginning with some childish flirting in pre-calculus. The relationship progresses when I found out we both have sixth free and soon enough,  I'm his girl, defined romantically when we start to play "Words with Friends" exclusively and sitting with him and his other friends in the library. By April, I'm his main girl when he asks me to the Semi two days before the dance. The semi is a reminder of his awkwardness, supported by a tie that is far too short for him, him ditching me at the dance, and his mom driving us home from the diner that all the high schoolers flood toward after school dances - good times. We continue this great relationship into Junior year, resulting in us going to Junior Prom together. He ups his love game by asking me somewhat more eloquently to go with him, making me think that things will be smoother and less awkward this dance around. But when I try to make conversation in the car ride there by saying, "I love this song" to what is playing on the radio and receiving "doubt it" in response, I know the hopes of a successful night are slim to none. With no surprise, we part ways at the dance and to where he goes I will never know. Junior Prom then consists of me asking people, "Where is my date?!" and doing the cha-cha slide. Can I get a what-what for an awesome time? Since then, we have laughed about these memories and remained friends, continuing to form more awkward and hilarious memories. 

What I have learned... 

Embrace the awkwardness that comes with every first failed high school relationship. Also that  just because you find a cricket in your bathtub fairly disgusting and worthy of sharing, your boy of interest may not think so and may then choose to ignore that text. Moreover, most boys have no idea how to dress until college (if even then) and will choose to wear sweatpants to school no matter how ugly those elastic cords are. 

The Innocent

This is the first guy I label as my "boyfriend." We spend a lot of time watching t.v... like a lot of time. We go to Subway often for some hoagies and make a ton of chocolate brownies - cue romantic music here. Oh, we also hack each others' Facebooks and make silly comments like, "poop" on photos. Kissing is at a minimum and our biggest date is to the beach for the day - such grownups we are. The breakup is innocent and awkward as ever and after 1-2 months of innocent fun, we move on to bigger things...like Senior year. 

What I have learned...
Just because you think someone is cute, doesn't mean great conversation comes with the package. That's pretty much it. Also, the owners of Subway don't like it when you stay in their shop when they're trying to close up. Just because you've just been broken up doesn't mean they won't still yell at you - they're merciless. 

The Amusement

After being on such a great "high" from the last relationship, I am ready for the next big thing. Enter, the guy who ends up being the biggest regret in terms of relationships in my life. When I'm asked out, I reply, "Sure, thanks!" What was I thanking him for... liking me? Right, smooth. Bring out those glasses and cheers to my clearly great start to a great relationship. Weeks, perhaps four, pass and I'm ready to get out of it. There's nothing wrong with the boy, but there just is nothing there. Well, at least it was fun while it lasted - the thrill of the hunt!

What I have learned...

No stage-five clingers allowed. When you break up with a guy after only several weeks, he'll hate you for the rest of the year until New Years Eve after a semester in college when he cheers you on while you puke your guts. Then, all is forgiven and put to the past. 

The First

This is the guy who becomes my first love, some may say. He sits two tables away from me in Calculus the majority of the year with his head buried in his work, quietly muttering "shut up" whenever I attempt to have a conversation with the teacher. Until April, he's pretty irrelevant and I only see him as the awkward gangly Junior who tries just a little too hard in life, including gym class. But a college trip to UNC, lengthy text conversations, and hundreds of snapchats later, feelings get real, albeit I'm still caught up with prom drama and another guy. His first text hinting at how he feels consists of some John Mayer reference, as true to his character as can possible be, and makes me reevaluate our friendship... and the ball gets rolling. For the sake my sanity and my privacy, I'll keep details to the bare minimum. The next two months are intense and as cliche as any high school relationship can be with kisses plenty. After a great time, we separate when he leaves for summer courses at a university all the way across the country. Summer distances us and I then leave for college, putting our relationship officially in the past. 

What I have learned...

The next guy I date has to be capable of helping me with my homework. No matter how much effort is taken to distance yourself from a guy - be it physically and emotionally- feelings will remain as long as they wish with no rhyme or reason, despite your desire to suppress them. Love is never logical or timely, and if one of these two - timing and passion- are lacking, the relationship is doomed. I lacked timing, and perhaps he lacked passion, but regardless fate did not believe in us. The cliche holds true that it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Life is hard. And last but not least, good things come when you least expect it. 

The New Year

14 THINGS TO "TRY" TO DO THIS YEAR 

The New Year comes with new expectations, goals, and hopes, all of which are about as attainable as my hopes of a 4.0 GPA. But still, the cliche of a new beginning holds true and it's never too late to start fresh. 

1. Try New Foods

Culture often lies in food and sometimes to broaden one's scope of the world is simply to try and appreciate another country's cuisine. Just as your palette is (technically speaking) able to taste multitudes and layers of life, so to is your mind. 

2. Don't Force Love

Love isn't something that is sought in the same way one might look for a dog or car. But it also doesn't just plop itself on your doorstep waiting for you to open the door and find it. Sometimes, it's just a matter of being in the right place at the right time. Of course, this doesn't mean to stop texting that person you have a crush on or flirting with that person in your 11 a.m. lecture, but don't hold expectations. Maybe you'll find someone worth your love this year...or maybe you won't - and that's perfectly fine too. 

3. Laugh In Private 

True happiness can be found in the comfort of your own room. How often it feels as if laughter is the proof to others that you're having a good time. Try laughing by yourself and prove to yourself just what a good time you're having in life - you just may surprise yourself by how many good memories you truly have. 

4. Listen to Music 

We all listen to music in these day and ages, but are we actually listening or is it becoming background music? Take time to enjoy music like they used to by staying still with no distractions. The next time you hear your favourite song may be a slightly new experience. 

5. Eat Healthy For Health's Sake

Forget the gimmicks to lose weight or achieve a toned stomach. Try eating healthy foods because that will make you live healthier and longer. It's that simple of a reason.  

6. Spend an Hour in Silence 

Each day, spend an hour in silence, meaning no distractions of phones, television, computers, technology, and people - just yourself. This can be during a commute to work or for the busy college student, during breakfast or the time encompassing your shower, night routine, and bedtime. It's surprising how much time is spent on communicating with people you will probably see in/have seen in ten minutes or on Instagram fueling internally major  "FOMO". The beauty of silence is that it allows for thoughts, be them uncomfortable, sad, or happy, to be surfaced. Don't be afraid of these thoughts; after all, they're what make you- you. 

7. Wear What You Want 

Taken from the musings of another. Now is the time to wear whatever the hell you want. Despite you're belief in your physical shortcomings, we all need to face it - this is probably the best our body will look before the wrinkles, sagginess, and bagginess. If you have short legs and think you can't rock the booties, try them anyway. If you want to wear leggings or a skirt, don't try and justify a reason - just wear it. Experiment with trends before it's just too late for you to be forgiven for your fashion faux paus. 

8. Drink More Wine

Enough said.

9. Save Money

Oh for practical's sake. It may seem lame now, but you just never know when your money will be needed for bigger things than that $200 Lilly Pulitzer dress. 

10. Call Home 

There's nothing that parents love more than a phone call from their children. Your reassurance to them that all is well, despite your reckless nights of drunkenness and missed Chemistry lectures, means more to them than a scholarship of $10,000... though it may not seem that way. There's always time to call home. If you have time to pee, you have time to call. Actually though. 

11. Write Letters 

Being old-fashioned is never out of fashion. There's something far more romantic, personal, and special about seeing a person's handwritten thoughts to you than an email or voice-mail. 


12. Write Fake Letters 
Before this is taken the wrong way, let me explain. This letter is for the person to whom you wish to tell a million things, your sentiments, your feelings. Take time to write a letter to that ex and never send it. One day you can read that letter and realize how time has distanced you from him/her and what a different person you are- you've loved, lost, and learned. Or maybe by fated circumstances, you've been brought together and he/she is actually the love of your life and the letter becomes part your lovely history. Or perhaps, write a letter to yourself. Put it somewhere safe and open it one day. You'll realize how much you've changed, for better or worse. 

13. Change a Lightbulb
Sometimes we forget the true genius behind the most mundane things in life.


14. Use Lotion
Simply because I always forget and regret it.